I’m not doing well in controlling my emotions, especially when i’m faced with an unexpected challenge, sometimes even something small. I blew up at Jim a few times when we were camping- each time i needed to talk to him about something, not argue, but instead it always turned into an argument. i try, i try so hard. i am scared. i keep saying i won’t start an argument or even argue, and it still happens. i’m afraid sooner or later jim is just gonna say he’s had enough.

i don’t think i’m 100% myself with anybody and i don’t know why. it’s like i’m afraid to show people who i really am. people that know me would think i could care less about what others think about me, but i do, and i know it’s stupid.

well, our country is sinking. what was, is no more. they’re showing us what they REALLY want and that is for all of us, me, you… non-millionaires- they want us dead. gone, so they can spend any and all money us being alive would have cost.

i’ve been getting these weird things when i get nervous, anxiety- i feel like i can’t breathe, like my throat is gonna close, no air thru my sinuses- of course i can KNOW that i am, indeed, breathing- but thinking you can’t breathe is a mindfuck.

goodnight world