1/12/16

This world, this world!! It’s so heavy. I wish i didn’t care about things i do & maybe that means i should care about things i don’t. That might not be a bad idea at all, cuz then i’d care about healthy food, cleaning house, quitting smoking, going outside, my appearance, fashion… hmmm something to consider.

Ever since i was a child it’s felt as if i’ve carried the burden of the world on my shoulders. i’ve always worried about others, always worried that something “might” happen. there was a period that i don’t remember worrying about that stuff (not very much, at least) & that was when i was a single mom raising my kids. i worked fulltime and they were both in sports year-round.

Now we have access to the world & it seems more & more, the world is going to pot. I don’t like it, i don’t like this world; i never have. sometimes i feel like i might be having a heart attack, and sometimes i kind of hope i am, i don’t do anything, just let whatever is gonna happen, happen.

I so wish i could stop caring, stop watching news, stop reading articles, stop caring about injustices or privilege. caring about those things feels like part of the fabric of my being. if i believed in a god, then i could just turn it all over to that god, but i don’t. the universe may be working things out, but that doesn’t mean bad things don’t happen to good people, innocent people, vulnerable people, naive people ~ this seems the case more often than not.

Anyways, i’m frustrated, again.