I have no idea whats going on, I feel like my life’s backwards. I need to laugh, like “laugh your ass off” kinda laugh (but no, I don’t drink alcohol)…so there’s that. Don’t think I’ve said more than 10 words on Twitter since my mom got sick. Right now, it’s really hard for me to refer to her – I keep expecting her to come back, but she’s gone. Forever.
There’s nothing like a mom, I can tell you that. I have nobody to call and talk to who would “get me“, my mom would at the very tone of my voice. This weekend I went to Encinitas, it’s a wonderful quaint little city in San Diego- kinda hippiesh- I love it. I went all by myself, I’ve never done that in all my 54 years. I usually don’t like leaving my house, but now I find myself wanting to take off & just go… where? I don’t know. I have a cousin at the beach in O.C. (but the people there are much different than S.D. people-not my cousin though) Then I have my other cousin in Santa Barbara, I’d love to go there. I could just watch the waves all day long ~ they’re just so beautiful.
My kids have taken it upon themselves to parent me… I’m not liking it 1 bit. I know it’s out of love, but c’mon, telling me to get out of bed when I’m taking a nap, cuz I got 3-4 hours sleep?? But their advice! Oy Vey! Don’t get me wrong, it’s good advice, they’re well-grounded kids (adults), but both my parents are gone now – they’re dead. I need to process this as do my kids.
I know there are grieving support groups, but I don’t want to go to one. I want only 1 thing and I know I can’t have that – so that leaves nothing. Yes, that’s childish, but it’s also the truth.