This Day Sucks

I have no idea whats going on, I feel like my life’s backwards. I need to laugh, like “laugh your ass off” kinda laugh (but no, I don’t drink alcohol)…so there’s that. Don’t think I’ve said more than 10 words on Twitter since my mom got sick. Right now, it’s really hard for me to refer to her – I keep expecting her to come back, but she’s gone. Forever.

There’s nothing like a mom, I can tell you that. I have nobody to call and talk to who would “get me“, my mom would at the very tone of my voice. This weekend I went to Encinitas, it’s a wonderful quaint little city in San Diego- kinda hippiesh- I love it. I went all by myself, I’ve never done that in all my 54 years. I usually don’t like leaving my house, but now I find myself wanting to take off & just go… where? I don’t know. I have a cousin at the beach in O.C. (but the people there are much different than S.D. people-not my cousin though)  Then I have my other cousin in Santa Barbara, I’d love to go there. I could just watch the waves all day long ~ they’re just so beautiful.

My kids have taken it upon themselves to parent me… I’m not liking it 1 bit. I know it’s out of love, but c’mon, telling me to get out of bed when I’m taking a nap, cuz I got 3-4 hours sleep?? But their advice! Oy Vey! Don’t get me wrong, it’s good advice, they’re well-grounded kids (adults), but both my parents are gone now – they’re dead. I need to process this as do my kids.

I know there are grieving support groups, but I don’t want to go to one.  I want only 1 thing and I know I can’t have that – so that leaves nothing. Yes, that’s childish, but it’s also the truth.

6 thoughts on “This Day Sucks

  1. Absolutely agree with Tug. Get thee to a beach. Bask in the serenity of the waves and remember all the good times and love the 2 of you shared and how you have passed it on to your children.

    • Edna, I really like that thought about my kids. They were fortunate in that they both were very close with my mom. I’m gonna have to start writing down things we did cuz I may forget them & some were so hilarious, others so touching…plus, she was a “cougar” before being a cougar was cool.
      Some day I’ll put a pic of her up here & you’ll see the essence of her… she radiates absolute beauty, both inside & out.
      Thank you for caring enough to comment.

      • This is what I love about social media. “Seeing” people, places, life through another’s eyes. I will of course love to see the picture you decide to share, but know that because of your lovely words, I feel I already know. For you see, my vision comes from all she poured into such an incredible soul she called daughter. “-“

        • Thank you, Edna, that’s such a kind compliment. It’s interesting now how many people say I look like my mom, they didn’t before & I forget who I told, but I told someone I thought that would happen. It makes me feel wonderful, just like how what you said made me feel.

  2. Go. Go to the beach…any beach. If you have family you love close to one & feel comfortable, go to that one. Otherwise, find another one. The beach is AMAZING, & truly has healing powers. I’ve always felt it, & have read things about the positive/taking away negative/something like that ions. Truly healing, and calming. Take care of you. Love you. <3

    • Tug, I absolutely love the beach. I didn’t go that day, but when I go it’ll be S.D. beaches, not O.C. ones- seems to be a BIG difference & we’re kind of in the middle. I’ve been keeping in touch with my mom’s best friends where she lived, kind of therapy for me & them. Her friend Rose wants me to help her swim again this year (she had a stroke so cant use 1/2 her body)- so I’ll be helping her. BUT…I will be going & it’s gonna be toward end of the day & I’m gonna write in the sand!
      Love you friend!!

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